I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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