I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You're like the curious george of whores
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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