the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
