I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
