It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
