At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
