Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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