i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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