hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
