wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
