I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
