Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
