THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
