They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
