I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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