We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
