Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
