Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
