I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
