I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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