What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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