When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
