and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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