Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize