I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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