we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
