Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i believe in u and ur pee
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