I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
