I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
