You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
