If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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