I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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