I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
