wakey wakey hands off snakey
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
