enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize