I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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