im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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