Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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