Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
