Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
