Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
