They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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