i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize