i'm signing you up for texting rehab
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
