My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
