Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I could have mohawked her pubes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
