Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize