I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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