Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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