glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
