her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
