she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
