She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
