you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
