Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
