We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
