I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
