I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
