your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
