Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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