yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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