Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize