everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
