we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
