I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
