Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This baby is an asshole
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize