I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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