I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
