I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
