I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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