I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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