Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
